PR Log - Jul 16, 2012 - July 16, 2012 North Bethesda, Maryland
It was a typical Monday morning when Senior Resume Consultant Joe Flanagan at the Resume Builder company Resume Companion, was processing incoming resume critique tickets when he came across a peculiar request. Ticket number 89044, sent by one “Xzantharglaxplaxiavolothesis” momentarily confounded Joe until he viewed Mr. Xzanthar’s (for brevities sake) uploaded file, which was completed with an attached headshot. It was this picture, and the attached message, which ultimately shed more light on the situation.
Begin Received Transmission:
“Greetings, humanoid company Resume Companion ! I am submitting this request for a Resume Critique via your “blueteeth” internet technology from my space capsule. Employment on my home-world of Xzyplovia is at a less than optimal percentage. Supreme Hive Mind master Galrgarvgla, our fist purple president, is making a big-bang of a mess of our economy. My work experience is limited to Toplotryipsene mining on the third moon Lolvioxia and flipping Ploxplar burgers at Vendy’s. Please help me write this in a more attractive syntax structure as online resume samples are not sufficient. I cannot compensate you in your preferred “dollars” however I have 25 microns of Vadianium I am willing to part with, it is enough to power at least 320 nuclear reactors for 10,000 years. Uranium is radioactive, if you haven’t found out yet, perhaps explaining your species disgusting and profuse production of body hair.
I will continue orbiting until 21:04:32 on Thursday, July 19th. You do not need to physically critique my resume, simply thinking what needs to be changed will do. I will probe you for your recommendations upon telepathically realizing your critique has been completed. “
Resume Companion Senior Consultants have yet to view Xzanthar’s attached file as every staff member fears being unwillingly probed. The task of editing has fallen on the shoulders of intern "Keith", who is equipped with both a walkie-talkie and a whistle for safety’s sake. The only information received from “Keith” is that due to black holes and time warping, trying to arrange Xzanthar’s experiences into reverse chronological order is proving troublesome, and that his tinfoil underwear is uncomfortable but seemingly effective, for now. Still, Resume Companion will soldier on, anxious to become not only the best online resume builder (http://resumecompanion.com) on earth, but also in the entire universe.