After writing articles on stocks to prepare for The Zombie Apocalypse and The Coming Civil War, I realized I had not covered all of my bases in the Armageddon arena. After watching a late-night 1950s movie about aliens invading from outer space, I thought I’d better address that concern for the entire investing community. It is, I feel, my civic duty.
If there’s one thing that the movie Battle: Los Angeles taught me, it’s that you better have serious weaponry available to fight the intergalactic baddies. So it’s obvious you want to have a stake in Lockheed Martin (NYSE:LMT). Lockheed will be the go-to company, given its expertise in defense, space, intelligence, homeland security and information technology. LMT has a stockpile of $3.4 billion in cash and is growing at 10% annually. That means if the aliens wait 10 more years, Lockheed will be twice the company it is today. Plus, it pays a 5.1% dividend, and that means you can stockpile cash along the way. Most important, Lockheed makes things that can make other things — including spaceships – explode.
You absolutely are going to need food during an invasion. The way I see it, the aliens also are going to need food. They may actually prefer human flesh, like zombies do, but because they may want to actually invade us for our resources, there’s a likelihood that they’ll try not to attack food sources. That means you should buy Whole Foods Market (NASDAQ:WFM). Since grocery stores are struggling and Whole Foods remains a growth story, and since aliens may prefer organic, you have to buy into this stock. I’ll warn you that it is expensive at 36x earnings, and you may want to wait for a pullback into the high $50 range.
In a similar vein, assuming aliens are indeed covetous of our resources, you have to buy into commodities as a whole. Whether it’s cotton or pork or corn or gold or silver or nutmeg, having heavy exposure to commodities could make you a rich post-invasion black marketeer. The iPath Dow Jones-AIG Commodity Index Total Return ETN (NYSE:DJP) . The basket includes oil, natural gas, corn, soybeans, aluminum, heating oil, and even live cattle. This, of course, assumes that all the pre-invasion visits by the aliens to the cornfields don’t actually destroy all the corn or mutilate the cattle.
You have to figure that the aliens have advanced technology and will try to piggyback off our existing infrastructure, particularly with regards to power transmission. Welcome to the great investment of the utility sector! You should go with the broad index, like the Select Sector SPDR Utilities ETF (NYSE:XLU), but if you want to limit your exposure to one stock, choose Duke Energy (NYSE:DUK). It’s a $25 billion company that handles electricity for 4 million humans, and has been around for over 80 years — and paid a dividend the entire time. It’s currently at 5.3%.
Finally, I’m sorry to say that there will be many casualties in the invasion, and that means you’ll want health care exposure — especially hospitals. Assuming the aliens respect the universal protocol of not attacking hospitals, go with LifePoint Hospitals (NASDAQ:LPNT). The company just beat estimates by 6 cents a share, or about 9%. The company is slated to grow at 10% annually, but that could really soar if the aliens inflict major damage. Still, best to be conservative and assume 10%. That puts the company at a P/E of 13, and as a hospital that is not overleveraged, and generating $180 million in free cash flow each and every year like clockwork, I think it’s a safe bet.
Keep watching the skies!
Lawrence Meyers owns shares of the IPath Commodity ETN and wears tinfoil hats.